me
Among all the pages, I think this was the hardest one to write. I’ve been a Software Engineer at big tech companies. Now, I'm trying to bootstrap my own projects. I don't like to be defined as an "engineer", but more of a combination of experiences and interests 🤔. There's a piece of my soul on this page. Even though I don't believe in souls. But it’s a sneak peek of my self-perception and (current) convictions.
💻 programming is deep into my heart
I'm really deep into coding. When I was 13 years old, I learned to make videogames using Game Maker scripts. At the time, I didn't know that was related to programming. It was until I got into college and started learning Java that I realized it was something I've done before. I love the idea of creating stuff from just a computer. I feel like I'm some wizard building stuff for some virtual universe.
My peak into programming was when I did programming competitions at college. I was obsessed and frustrated at the same time. It was so challenging and so exciting at the same time. I used to do weekly contests on a platform called Codeforces and locally at different universities. The goal was always to represent the university at the world finals which we did in 2019 at Porto, Portugal 🇵🇹. Even though I'm not doing it anymore, I'll always be an important part of me and the first time I dedicate so much time to a single activity.
When I graduated and got a job as a Software Engineer, I started to get bored of doing it. I like creating things from nowhere. However, big techs are more of maintaining legacy stuff and things can feel really slow. Thus, coding is something I'd prefer to do either for fun or for creating new ideas from scratch. It's also something I consider myself decently good at and I still want to life from it (cause I need to eat 🥲).😶 introversion vs extroversion
I've always been kind of shy and I consider myself an introvert. I didn't like it that much because I thought good social skills were key to succeed. I thought extroverts were the only ones with social skill and I had to rewire my brain in some way.
Back in 2018 while I was at Twitter, we had a Q&A with Jack Dorsey. Even though he was the CEO and had to talk with lots of people, he considered himself an introvert. He said that introverts can still have social skills but they get drained when they are around people. On the other side, extroverts need people around to feel recharged. I got hit by that idea. Because I enjoy time with the people I love, but I also need some me-time to feel fulfilled. Thus, now I'm better at social skills but I happily accept being more on the introvert spectrum.
🧠 learning for boredom
Learning can be frustrating and rewarding at the same time. There's this initial barrier which seems impossible to overcome. Then, there's that excitement of being on the other side. But then, there's another bigger wall and the cycle repeats over and over. It takes lots of resillience and it applies to practically every area. I think it's in our best interest to go through this and explore the world of knowledge and skills.
I can easily procrastinate learning new things. There're ton of hobbies I'm trying to explore but that are still on my backlog. I want to do everything at the same time and that can lead to analysis paralysis. The times I recall I've learned the most are when I focus on just a thing and say no to all others. However, when its time to pick a new "one thing", I get stuck by falling into the "do everything at one" approach. But I don't want to give up on learning new stuff because it makes me feel alive and removes life's boredom.
💀 fear of death
I'm frightened with the concept of death and the process of aging. I'd rather live young and forever. But this is something that (at least now) no one can escape. I try to use this idea in my favor so I can motivate myself to do more. However, it's not always effective and it still scares me deeply.
Time is cruel but inevitable. I'm 28 by the time I'm writing this and I struggle with the idea of one day being 82. It's not only the part of dying, but also the part were you get so old that you lose your independence. I'm grateful for being a fully-functional and autonomous human and I don't want to lose that. After doing some blood tests, I learned that I really need to start improving my health. My plan is to become very healthy so I can extend as much as I can that well being. However, it's easy to fall into temptation (aka McDonalds 🥲). But I don't give up, every day I try to improve and the future looks promising.
📈 i'm trying to improve
There's an ideal of the person I try to be and the reality of who I am. There's a huge gap between both versions. There're times where I feel incapable to achieving things. I'm very insecure and I try to overcome that. But I don't give up because I believe that I can improve. I know that's objectively true because I learned about neuroplasticity from one of my favorite youtubers: Jefylish.
Neuroplasticity is the idea that the brain can phisically change by creating new neural connections. These connections are the result from learning new things and it's an ability we all as humans posess. Thus, even though there are subjective reasons I can feel insecure of myself, there's the objetive reality of being a human with neuroplasticity capabilities. It's just a matter of trying again and again while iterating on the process. It takes resilience, time, and effort which is something we can all do rather than a weird biological treat only certain beings possess. I know it's easier said that done, but hard is infinite times better than impossible.